Years ago, an old military buddy, while showing me his weapons stockpile in his steel-encased panic room just before he went outside to look for fairies and UFOs, warned me about reptilians, tall, blood-drinking shape-shifters from the Alpha Draconis star system, hiding in underground bunkers as they control the world by taking on human form and gain political power to manipulate society.
At the time, I recalled one of my favorite shows growing up was “V,” a science fiction series about reptiles disguised as humans that aired in 1983. They wanted to take over the world, too.
I rolled my eyes and passed on joining my friend for his outdoor adventure to find fairies and UFOs.
Yes, a plethora of books, essays, websites and video discussions on reptilians exist, but I wasn’t convinced until I started listening to politicians recently.
I’m no fan of any political party, but Republicans have me convinced that Reptilians live on Earth and have been elected to represent us.
You’re probably thinking I’ve been drinking or am pulling one over on you, but just stick with me a little longer.
Republican Senate candidate Todd Akin, calling for the illegalization of abortion, said: “if it’s a ‘legitimate rape,’ the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
I heard that and wondered if the man was ignorant or accusing woman who became pregnant after being raped of being liars.
Then I realized Akin is a reptilian, and they need the planet to up its production of babies so they can farm them.
I mean, the science community has not only disproved Akin’s comments, but studies indicate rape victims may in fact be more likely to get pregnant than others on the whole.
Of course, now I am angry with myself for not realizing sooner that reptilians exist.
Reach Editor Stephen Bartlett at firstname.lastname@example.org.