Michele Armani and Sally Meisenheimer
Thinking of how the fighting makes you and your siblings feel, is a good place to start. Then you are not attacking your parents behavior, you are just stating how you feel. By saying, “when you two bicker, I don’t feel like being around you” or “when you are fighting, it makes all of us upset” or “when the fighting starts, I don’t feel like listening or following through on any of your advice” could be some of the words that you play around with. It helps you solve the problem better, by identifying the emotion and then what the situation is doing to the family dynamics.
You can even go so far as to say “when this bickering happens, I will be going to another room and we can discuss it at a better time”. Retraining needs to happen with people of all ages, and when your parents get a negative response that is calmly stated, they may just begin to change. It takes work on both sides, for you and your siblings to respond with love and for your parents to start with awareness and make the changes out of respect to their role and your well-being.
A S K
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