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Outsourcing, Eureka!

Recently, I called a business number and spoke with a man with an accent so powerful that I only understood about every third word, after about twenty minutes I figured out what he was saying, sort of.

Later, it occurred to me that he was probably from another country and that he probably was occupying a job that had been outsourced. Maybe outsourcing could resolve some of our larger cultural problems. After all, some of the best minds in America; our elected officials, our corporate leaders, economists and Wall Street barons have created an operational environment favorable to outsourcing.

Would our ruling elite create conditions favorable to outsourcing if it would hurt our country? No, of course not! Some Americans object to outsourcing, saying that it is just another example of corporate greed and avarice that has a choke hold on America.

These nattering nabobs of negativity insist that outsourcing allows American companies to exploit a vulnerable foreign workforce that has no protection from abuse and to exploit the lack of any meaningful environmental protections in these foreign locales.

What a bunch of whiners! Rather than whining and stamping our feet in a collective tantrum and tearfully whimpering that "it's not fair," we should instead embrace the endless possibility of outsourcing.

I offer the following as just a few outsourcing solutions to our cultural problems. As America continues to get older, the cost of maintaining so many elderly people will be crushing. We could start sending the elderly overseas where labor costs, housing and medications are a fraction of what they cost here.

Consider Bob, he collects a tiny pension, modest social security and has a tiny but shrinking savings. In order to meet his co-pays for life sustaining heart medications, pay his ever more expensive utility bills, Bob sits in a room with blankets around him and the heat turned down where he eats cornflakes twice a day so that he can get his medications. Instead, we ship Bob to India where his meager pension and social security allows him to live very well. The medications that Bob needs are one tenth of the American cost. Because housing costs are so low, he lives in a three bedroom villa with around the clock personal aides. Probably beautiful young girls who wear those silky outfits that Barbara Eden wore on "I Dream of Jeanie". Personal aides do his laundry, cook for him and walk with him on a daily basis to optimize his health. Bob is able to afford all that personal care because his aides work for one American dollar a day.

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