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Rising to the occasion

The clever gang at Pfizer hired a cleverer gang to market their clever little blue pill. The advertising agency is knocking this product up and out of the park with a subtle, but effective, so-called warning line near the end of their T.V. and radio spots. You know what I mean.

A nice young ladies voice suggests, "If you have an erection for more than four hours, call a doctor immediately."

And the public is supposed to think Pfizer is looking out for Viagra users?

That's the most effective sales line in their ad. Warning a Viagra user of a four-hour arousal is like a diet pill company warning: "If you find you've lost 100 pounds in less then 48 hours, call a doctor immediately." Cue fat people: "Man, I'll take three in one shot. Don't want to upset my stomach, so I'll break 'em up into my goulash."

Good line. Good line, Pfizer's ad agency. And I'm surprised at the amount of people who don't realize it's a sales line, not a medical warning line.

Of course it is; can't you see the guys with problems thinking: "Last time I had a four-hour arousal I was age 15 and I didn't call a doctor. If I take a pill and get a raging one, the last thing I want to be on is the telephone."

Actually the line isn't, "call a doctor," it's, "consult a physician." Yup, I'd like to consult my physician.

My physician is Sharon Jones, M.D. I'd say, "Hey, Doc, just took a Viagra pill; could you please get over here and consult with me for a little while? What? Oh, no, no. I'm only about an hour and a half into what I figure's gonna be a four-hour situation, so yeah, you don't need to rush none. I'll be fine. I'll just keep right on consulting myself 'til you get here. Yeah, you have directions right, Doc? No? Well, here goes: my house is in the mountains and usually GPS can't find it. But I'm pretty sure GPS will find it no problem this time around."

Bad thing is there probably are genuine side effects to Viagra that the advertising folks don't mention in the ads. Interestign side effects such as partial blindness, hearing loss, finger spasms, etc.

Seriously, hope I never need the stuff.

Rusty DeWees tours Vermont and Northern New York with his act "The Logger." His column appears weekly. He can be reached at rustyd@pshift.com. Listen for The Logger, Rusty DeWees, Thursdays at 7:40 on the Big Station, 98.9 WOKO or visit his Web site at www.thelogger.com

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