They get spayed next week

Easy for him to say - I could have a round-trip ticket to Barbados for what this will cost.

In reality, I would have paid twice that for a few hours sleep last night. After attempting to drift off with my head pinned between the pillow and mattress for the better part of eight hours, I could take no more.

I flung the sheets, grabbed the wailing orange balls of fluff at the end of the bed, stomped down the stairs and shoved them in the upright freezer.

Muahahahahah, muahahahahahaha ... I cackled as I ascended the stairs.

Oh, don't have the big one, Barker - of course I'm kidding.

Not that the thought didn't enter my mind.

Instead, I stared blurry-eyed at the ceiling with my ears bleeding until it was time to come to work in my underwear.

John Gereau is managing editor of Denton Publications. He can be reached anytime, day or night, at johng@denpubs.com.

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