Driving tips from bus driver dad

Run an aggressive tread winter tire. They're expensive, but so are those undies you soiled when you arrived at a stand-still, tire-side up, smashed against a rock ledge with a face full of powder blown there a blast from your bald-all-seasons-sportin' SUV's side air bags. Winter tires!

While driving on the interstate with a gal I'm hoping to get friendly with later, I pull a little to the right and run over the rumble strip cut-outs on the shoulder for five seconds or so to try and jiggle her emotional sexual apparatus so's just to get her at least thinking about it. Works most every time. Don't forget too, rumble strips are where to run your right side tires when the direct path pavement gets icy or covered with snow. The rumble strips, aside from being an aphrodisiac can provide sturdy purpose to your vehicle's traction.

I'll say though, if visibility is at all sketchy, stay the hang off of the shoulder as to not bash into a disabled car. Man O' man, you bang into a stopped car on the shoulder going seventy miles an hour, the next most interesting thing that happens regarding you would be your cat's behavior while she tries to figure out where the heck her master is.

Which reminds me: stopping totally due to road conditions is never recommended. If you are stationary on the road you are a sitting duck. Stop completely only if you have to because of a flat tire or engine failure. If conditions are extremely poor regarding traction or visibility (Visibility is generally better than you might think. Gauge it by how far away you estimate a car is when you first spot it's lights. But don't hang your hat on that rule, use it only to bolster your confidence in allowing you to drive safely, not faster), try your best to at least keep crawling along a mile or three and hour. That way if someone does ram into you, your forward inertia will minimize the impact, and, creeping along will assure you will at some point finally arrive at your destination, which of course is better than not arriving at all.

It's nearly time I wrap this up and I've not yet touched on the dastardliest of road conditions. So, next week's column will be full of thoughts about detecting and operating safely through the many situations that occur related to-ice.

Rusty DeWees tours Vermont and Northern New York with his act "The Logger." His column appears weekly. He can be reached at rustyd@pshift.com. Listen for The Logger, Rusty DeWees, Thursdays at 7:40 on the Big Station, 98.9 WOKO or visit his website at www.thelogger.com

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