Interstate drivers

Fwoooouuahhhww! The sound an outgoing e-mail message makes when it leaves the send box? Nope. Bap! Poooff! Bonggg! Twaack! Sounds Batman and Robin's make when landing on the bad guys chins? Not exactly.

ZZzzing, doung, dong, bwootee-goo-dang-gong! A Chinese dude describing the sound his wok made when his wife threw it at him? Ah, not quite.

Crack! Whowoff! The sound a baseball bat makes whiffing past Mariano Rivera's cutter? Could be, but a little off.

Warning: What follows is a tired, lame, Tiger Woods joke-

Crash, crash, crash, crash! The sound created by Elin Woods as she tried to kill her hubby? Yes, but the four crash sounds-and the array of sounds I just noted-are all sounds made by your car when you drive it off the Eisenhower Interstate Highway System into the medium. Hopefully that's news to you, but I gather it's not.

The past few winters driving on the interstate highway, I've entertained myself by counting car divets in the medium. There's been so many to count, I've hardly had time to text.

Last night, I counted 15 fresh car divots on the 25-mile-long stretch of highway between Williston and Waterbury, and yesterday was a dry weather day!

What the heck is going on out there drivers? R.U. High? (Sorry, that's an obscure reference to Randolph Union High School.)

If you are the person who caused a divot, and you were high or drunk when you caused it, you're a dope-period, no excuse. You can, however, use your abuse of substances as an excuse for driving off the road. You can't use the substance, you can use your use of it.

I'm going to guess about one-third of the divots can be traced back to substance folly. I get that. What I don't get is why for the other two-thirds?

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