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Essex 9/5/09

Last week I avidly motored, in the avidly manner, to a Shaker reunion for avid Shaker descendents at Hancock Shaker Village. Stopped at Old Chatham Shaker site but it was closed. Shirley insisted that she saw someone changing the sign after we left. The same thing happened in New Lebanon until we got to Hancock Shaker Village. We certainly had a great time talking about the "Old Days" of Mother Ann.

Say, are you tired of those skinny legged, knock-kneed models? I was, so I signed up for the Get Bulges 4800-calorie diet and gained 87 pounds in just 6 weeks. Before I got the extra weight people snickered behind my skinny back and kicked sand in my face. Now I have gone from a size 6 and a 24" waist to a size 18 and 54 waist. I have more energy and am in the best shape of my life. Golic and Marino look like wimps next to my bulging thighs, flabby stomach, pendulous chest hangings and hot dog fingers.

Speaking of models' legs, Carol Williams will be at the Essex Methodist Church this Friday at 7:30 p.m. playing the Warren Cross Organ. Maybe she'll play "Flat Foot Floozy with a Floy Floy."

Tried to Call the Adirondack Hospital in Saranac Lake. Phone rang 14 times until a machine answered and transferred me to another machine that took the same number of rings to respond, which was to transfer me back to the first machine. I drove there from the 'Burg, picked up the phone and answered my own call. Not really, but when I finally got someone, I told them to "forget it," the patient had died.

Went with Tom Carrick to get a haircut. He has so little hair that I thought Sue should include my cut for free. She said she wouldn't, because she knew it would be too much trouble trying to find long hairs. Oh Yeah?

Connie Fee is doing a special concert in September (Maine oysters are back at Mainly) or October, or November, or December. Guess I better cover this event in a subsequent column, or am I being subject to an oneric episode?

One of my resources, a person familiar with local affairs, told me, on condition of anonymity because he is not authorized to make an announcement, of several murky affairs. Not enough room this week so will tell all next week.

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