She said, "he lunged toward me when we fought." If he lunges, you leave-period. No lunging allowed. She said, "he threatened to kill me." Hey gal, someone tells you he'll kill you, you leave the first time he says it-period. No exceptions.
I know he's a nice guy and sweet, and I know his father abused him; I know you feel sorry for him because he can't keep a job and that he rattles easily due to medication. I know he's good to your mother and nieces and nephews but gal, listen up: if he picks up a chair and throws it across the room, leave-period-the first time he does it and don't ever come back.
Don't think you can't survive without him because you can and will endure. What you can't do is survive with him.
Not only is it important you understand what you've just read, it's important you follow through with actions appropriate to the situation.
I don't have much hope that cycles of abuse can ever be broken. I have little hope that one day our political and community leaders can make laws that bring wife beating, child molesting, and raping criminal behavior, all to their final act. They're trying harder now, a tad too late for an unfortunate few Vermonters, but at least they're trying harder and that's good-but I think even stricter laws will most likely only hope to stop reoccurrence, not occurrence.
Stopping occurrence, like charity, begins at home.
Being charitable comes from living within the truth, and the truth is if your mate drugs and steals and yells and hits and sits and swears and lunges and molests and kidnaps and rapes, the only chance you have to give he or she charity is to leave, period. The truth will set you free, it can also save your life.