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Friends of the Grange hosting square dances

Guess what? I got a call and all I heard for 15 minutes was gobble-gobble-squack-squarck. And then the words "If you don't know the difference between different kind of turkeys, get another job!"

The Friends of the Grange tell me that they will be holding square dances on the last Saturday of every month from January through April 25 at 7 p.m. Beginners, teens, and oldsters will be treated with tender love and understanding by the caller. Republicans and Democrats will be separated while stockbrokers or friends of Ponzi Davidmakeoff will be outside. A measly $10 for couples or $5 each. Anyone who closely resembles Samuel de Champlain will get a free drink.

Did you hear about the big white dog that ate my invitation to the Obama Ball and Jump Shot Completion? The new president really has a decent left hand shot.

Because Lee Ackley and Cory Gillilland will be undergoing surgery by the same doctor (who practiced on Jim VanHoven last week) at the same time next week they will get a .03 discount on bandages. While one of Lee's arms will be immobilized after surgery, he assures me that he will be able to examine patients with his left foot and arm. I hope he takes off his shoe first.

I also pray that when the doctor puts the arms back, he doesn't mix 'em up. In other medical news, Dave Lansing is having a pace maker installed. It might make him feel safer about the implant when he learns that the company making the equipment was the lowest bidder.

Understand that national scores for boys in the math and sciences tests are drastically down. The concern is foolish because 65% of the scores are from "D" to "C" students and 15% from "B" students. Research shows that the remaining 20% is as high as any other country. Don't give me any of that Japanese student gaffe, because their educational system weeds out low achievers.

Anyway, the results shows what happens when you "dumb down" education to raise lower level students to higher low levels. Or, and I hesitate, maybe it's the educational leadership's intellectual levels that we can thank. I know from where I speak since me is the inventor of the "goesinta" math principle.

I never realized how third-class the "Repulsive" is until I saw their front page teaser about a recent tragic accident in Essex. They have to be "Gold Medalists" and prime example of "dumbing down" a news media.

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