The inauguration just wrapped-up, which means I'm once again writing on deadline - something that's become much too common these days. I, for one, am not worried about it, because my managing editor, Mr. John Gereau, is teetering on the delicate brink between reality and the Abyss, and he seems OK with that...
Right. That, my loyal and alert readers, is what these long, cold Adirondack winters can do to even the sharpest of minds. Humans can take only so much desolation before the conscious mind snaps and depravity and despair sets in.
I have absolutely no idea what that last paragraph was supposed to mean.
I do know that Mr. Gereau has a new pet - a pet that you can read about on Page 5 - a raccoon named Toaster Strudel. John has some sort of story that goes with this name, but I suspect that he's hiding something...
Who doesn't have something to hide? I'll tell you who: President Barack Obama. Back in November, I heard a lot of people saying "We just don't know who this man is!" Well, those people also guaranteed that he would be sworn in using a copy of the Koran. Wrong. In fact, he used the SAME EXACT Bible that was used during the swearing in of ABRAHAM LINCOLN. Go figure.
Not that it should matter what was used. Separation of Church and State, right? Exactly. I would have been happy if he had been sworn in using a copy of Jimmy Buffet's "Tales from Margaritaville," just so long as he meant what he said.
The list of people with nothing to hide is certainly short, but I imagine Carol Marie Vossler's dog, Ziggy, has little to hide. Granted, he's not a person, but I promised Carol that I would work Ziggy and his keen fashion sense into this week's column somehow. I also promised to make some mention of Matt Hobbs.
And I never break a promise, Mr. Hobbs.
Chris Morris is the news editor at Denton Publications. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org