Hair on soap

If a dude has some stubble, he can rub it against his chin. Along the same lines I suppose gals with stubble can try rubbing it against their legs. Doing the former has never worked for me. Thus I'll assume, the latter would not work either.

A very frustrated soul might try using his or her teeth. I wouldn't, because it would remind me of the post-cussing punishment I often received back in elementary school. I'm pretty sure the teeth method wouldn't work anyway.

If you have hair, rub it on your head. Maybe they'll rub off on one another but I doubt it.

Scratch it with a fingernail. That has got to work, right? Nope, tried it, and tried it and tried it and tried it. Didn't work. Tried toenails too, but interesting as it was, it didn't work either.

Take a look around, there's got to be tile somewhere near. Won't a pass or two across a course lay of tile get rid of it? I'm going to say, no.

A shiv, or a scalpel, either of those would get rid of it don't you think?

Perhaps. But, having bare sharp blades in the bathroom is only a bit less stupid then using a hair dryer while standing in a tub of seltzer. So you can heave the shiv/scalpel idea as well. Too bad, cause a gnarly blade could definitely work.

Could one shout if off? No, in this case, as in any case, shouting would not be effective.

If you try sponging it off, even with a rough loufa, I'm dang near certain you'll be disappointed with the results.

What would happen if you blasted stiff streams of piping hot water at it? I can't say for sure, but I bet it still wouldn't come off.

Call the police? Fire department? Nope, as good as they are, I'm betting even they'd come up empty on a deal like this.

There's no definitive way to get an underarm hair off a bar of soap. So, best never to share a bar of soap.

Rusty DeWees tours Vermont and Northern New York with his act "The Logger." His column appears weekly. He can be reached at rustyd@pshift.com. Listen for The Logger, Rusty DeWees, Thursdays at 7:40 on the Big Station, 98.9 WOKO or visit his website at www.thelogger.com

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