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Essex 8/8/09

NEWS BREAK. A reliable source has informed me that the Dispatching Detained Terrorists (DDT) coordinator for Groantonto has heard of the Essex County Prison B&B and is considering the facility if Spanish speakers can be found.

Congrats to all involved with making Essex days the best yet. Special thanks to: the Essex Shipyard & Rudder Club for hosting the canal boat Lois McClure; the folk packing the "Talkin Room" to listen to raconteurs Norma Goff, Martha Cross, Ray Wrisley, and Charlie Martin; all the Essex Initiative and Essex Fire Volunteers people providing support. Lila Touhey for donating dogs and buns and working at the hot dog stand operated jointly by the Methodist Church and Fire Dept. Now, about the Essex ambulance parked next to the Hot Dog stand, let me say this about that. It was parked there in case of any downtown medical emergency, not for victims of hot dog eating.

One of my spies, I mean information givers, tells me that Donna Bailey's attempt at performing an Eskimo kayak roll was partially successful. She got the kayak over OK, but it never rolled back up. Oh forgot to tell you that over 400 people toured the Lois McClure without anyone doing an Eskimo roll.

Some kind soul left books on the front porch of the DNC headquarters causing some less than agile DNCers to do a ? Eskimo roll. The front of the porch looked like a Gary Larson boneless chicken farm cartoon. When I performed my version off the porch, I landed on a wasp nest, thus becoming responsible for 23 wasps dying of blood poisoning. But, I got even with two stinging wasps by biting them in their jugulars.

Watched golf on TV for the first time. Sometimes the golfers kneel and stare at a hole, or they look at a ball, look at clubs, and chat with each others as they stroll, swing at a stationary ball, or bend over picking up a ball. Next week I will watch Curling.

Got a big surprise the other day when I saw Bob Garlic, spokesperson for Nutratsweat in town passing out no calorie dessert samples. Must admit that since he's been on the plan, he's no longer an ugly big bellied person but now is an ugly small bellied person.

It looks like the cash for clunkers program will continue. My friend Bobby used it to buy a Rolls Royce the other day and was able to trade in his Hummer and get $4,500 discounted from the $385,000 Rolls. Great program.

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