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Lookin' like he should

Plus he has those eyes. What attractive, great big huge eyes he has. It's no wonder he's such a good golfer; cripes he can see five times better then the rest of those puny eyed characters trotting around out there on the course. He's a severe looking dude, Tiger Woods.

It's interesting to think, I think: Would Tiger Woods be "Tiger Woods" if he wasn't so Tiger Woodsy looking? Would he get all the media attention and the money if he looked like say, me? I don't think so; if he looked like me it would just be that he was the best golfer of all time with red hair, normal sized teeth and average blue eyes. It would suck for us all.

It's the same with race-car driver Richard Petty. Richard Petty looks like he should. Same with the late Dale Earnhardt. If Dale Earnhardt looked like Dave Letterman, he couldn't have been as big as he was in stock car racing. Divo Pavarotti, same thing. Michael Phelps, he looks exactly like he should. Now Jewel, the singer, she doesn't look like Jewel should. She should be darker skinned, like an Indian woman. She's much to fair and tiny to be outrageously effective as Jewel. She can sing and play, but, nah, she isn't hands down Jewel, like say Uma Thurman is Uma Thurman. Uma looks like she should.

You know who should really look different than he does? Jay Leno. That dude, man, he doesn't look anymore like he should look than I look like Beyonce. No, Jay Leno should be much more thin, with a larger mouth so he could speak well enough to understand, which he has trouble doing, and he should move slower, have more relaxed hair, and not so gray; he should have a calmer voice. So Jay, the poor guy, not only does he not look like he should, he doesn't sound like he should either-that is if he really wanted to be the quintessential Jay Leno.

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