Lookin' like he should

When my friend asked which celebrity I'd most like to meet I thought about it.

"Hmmm, I have to think about that one. How about you?" "Tiger Woods," my friend said without hesitation.

Tiger Woods? I'd rather meet a celebrity who would at least pretend to be glad to meet me, too. Not busting on Tiger Woods, but I watched him golf the other day-man, that dude is zoned. Focused. Pinching grass and peggin' it into the air, watching where it lands, figuring how the wind is blowing. If he's that focused watching glass clippings, think of how much deader those teenage pirates would have been if Tiger were a shootin' Navy Seal. He wouldn't have to use a gun, he could just stare them to death.

At the Masters event on Easter Sunday, I saw Tiger stand with his eyes beaded on the cup hole, or whatever they call it, starin' like Christ himself was gonna rise right up and out of it. The dude is serious about his golf and it shows. We can learn from Tiger.

Tell you what gets me about him: His teeth. Dude has some teeth. You ever really look at Tiger's teeth? Things are huge. They're par fives. Not just the front top two, all of em, they're all the same size. It's amazing. And he's got so many. Seems like twice the amount I got. I mean the gol darn guy-tell ya what, I don't know if he was born with them or if he had them implanted after he got rich, but I'd rather play him at golf than be in a biting contest against him. I have wicked smile envy when it comes to Tiger Woods. I could care less that he could putt a beach ball into a mousehole.

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