Thoughs about the Champlain Valley Fair

Here are a few things you missed if you didnt get to Champlain Valley Fair: The Lions Club corn on the cob. Im able to screw up boiling corn on my own, thats why the $2.50 per ear Lions Club cobs are a huge summer fair treat for me. The gang serving are local, and all the proceeds go for a good cause. The Allenholm Farm booth serves healthy apples, along with fresh baked apple pie alamode. Ray dropped off a first-of-the-year Macintosh for me at my booth. The young feller working for me drew a face on it with magic marker so I wasnt able to eat it. Thats okay, plenty more where that came from. The Bearded Lady. She isnt part of an exhibit, shes just some lady with a beard I saw roaming around. She outta think about renting a space next year. There were two teeth whitening booths this year. For $99 and 20 minutes of your time you can brighten your smile for up to six months. If whiter teeth can make someone feel better about themselves, Im all for it. The Dazzling Mills Family. This family of four juggling unicyclers is as good as any act youll see in Las Vegas. They make it all look easy, but at the same time, watching them gives you a very good sense of how hard it is to work in show business. At the Champlain Valley Fair you can see their show three times a day, for free. A woman brought two elderly men by my booth to chat. The men were from an old folks home, in their seventies, grinning like rabid raccoons, and happy to be at the big end of summer expo. They wanted a picture with me, so I cut in between and swung my arms around them, and we all three posed for the women who snapped the photo. I shook one mans hand, My names Bill, he said. The other man shook my hand as he introduced himself, My names Clinton. After I told them my name, the men turned and walked away. Not three second later, Bill turned to me with a childlike smile spread across his face, You just had your picture with Bill Clinton. Late one night while searching for my car in the huge parking lot, I met a teenager wandering about who looked very lonely and sad. When I spoke and asked him what was up, I was surprised at how clear minded he answered. Today the fair charges one adult fee for as many people as you can fit in a car load. Every year my family dont eat for three weeks sos that we can fit as many in as can be. This year we sqwuzz eleven of us into my cousin Lamonts Monte Carlo. Course all winter I hanker hard for flowerin onions. I musta had five of em. Couldnt fit me in for the ride home. You know, five flowerin onions alone aint all that, its the washin em down with three sausage sandwiches and two maple syrup milk shakes thatll get ya. Oh, and eight fried Twinkies. When I offered the boy a ride home he answered, Sure, but I aint got no money to pay ya. Thats alright, just dont barf, I said. Being very careful not to trip, he walked toward my truck with his head tilted forward at the ground, Mister, I wont barf. When this load finally lets loose, it aint headed nowhere but south. See you at the Champlain Valley Fair, 2009. Rusty DeWees tours Vermont and Northern New York with his act The Logger. His column appears weekly. He can be reached at rustyd@pshift.com. Listen for The Logger, Rusty DeWees, Thursdays at 7:40 on the Big Station, 98.9 WOKO or visit his website at www.thelogger.com

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