Burlington, Plattsburgh... and Foxborough?

Do you hear that? Thats the sound of me taking a really deep breath after Nov. 4 officially went into the history books... You wont see me revel in victory or sulk in defeat for that matter no-sir-ee. Thats because Im a journalist, and Im not required to tell you who I voted for (Barack Obama, Sandy Treadwell, and the three guys not named Jim Dawson). In fact, Im supposed to take the high road and not endorse or show any bias toward any of the candidates, even though I would totally be okay with it if my girlfriend became pregnant with President-Elect Obamas child. And let me just say, thank God I dont have to call Congressman Mike Oot for any interviews in the future. Oot. Oot. Congressman Oot. Am I really the only one who thinks that this last name does not have a future in politics? I understand most of my Alert Readers are relieved that this election is over, whether your candidate won or not. In my business, however, the post-election funk is a very real, very scary thing. Everything suddenly becomes boring and bland even the things that should not be boring and bland, like celebrities beating up sick people and nuclear tests in North Korea. I imagine its comparable to a professional sports star retiring after dedicating their entire life to a single sport. Except they are rich and famous. So actually, its not comparable at all. Bad example, Chris. Enough of this mindless drivel! Ive got something to say this week, and I intend to say it: why did WPTZs Monday evening broadcast spend five minutes on a report from Foxborough, Mass.? Looks to me like Sports Anchor Matt Hobbs had tickets to Sundays Patriots-Bills match-up, and he dragged his gear down with him to kill two birds with one stone, if you will. Which is fine and dandy. Dont get me wrong, I like Mr. Hobbs, he has a pretty good jumpshot and great ball-handling skills. I know this because I watched him suit-up for the Washington Generals when they took on the Harlem Globe Trotters in Lake Placid last winter. Im all for having fun under the pretense of doing work (see: The Bean Scene), but our region has been privy to some spectacular high school football this fall, and it seems to me that our area television coverage has been pretty weak. WPTZ has a responsibility to bring us the best local sports coverage. If I want to learn about how the Patriots are doing, Ill tune in to ESPN, or pick up a national newspaper. To Channel Fives credit, they did run a highlight reel after the Patriots piece, and one of those highlights featured Moriah running back Jim Carlson, steamrolling about 10 defenders while doing his best Brandon Jacobs impression. How about a feature on him? Thats what I want to see. Show me the next Brian Leonard (he graduated from Gouverneur and now plays for the St. Louis Rams). And how bout the Red Storm? Hats off to coach Mark Farmer, who has his boys running the spread offense, something even the best college teams have trouble utilizing effectively. Okay, thats it. Be sure to look to your right (or below if you're reading this online) and read the winning Mad Lib, submitted by Dustin Drury of Brooklyn. The Election 2008 Mad Lib Winner Its been quite a ride eh? But here we are finally, ready to welcome A BLACK MAN as the 44th President of the United States of America! Its amazing to think that just RICH WHITE MEN HAVE HELD THE HIGHEST OFFICE AND we were CONTENT WITH THAT, thinking to ourselves, will George W. Bush ever GIVE HIMSELF THE MANDATE TO RULE FOREVER? But now its over, and despite all of the MUDSLINGING between the candidates, its time for MCCAIN to RETIRE and allow THAT ONE to FULFIL HIS DESTINY LIKE KEANU REEVES IN THE MATRIX AS THE ONE. And what about their running mates? How will JOE THE BIDEN do as the new second-in-command? Will he BE CRUSHED under the pressure, or step up and DEFEND THIS COUNTRY FROM THE AGENT SMITHS OF THE WORLD? And what about THAT TINA FEY LOOK ALIKE? She will have to return to her old job and MAKE SURE RUSSIA DOESNT INVADE HER PORCH. Hopefully, she didnt BURN too many BRIDGES TO NOWHERE, and everything will be AS EASY BEING A HOCKEY MOM when she returns. So thats it. Either way, this election was A CLASSIC BATTLE BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL, and you have to admit that now that ITS OVER AND THE MOVIE RIGHTS HAVE BEEN SOLD, youre going to DO YOURE BEST TO CONSOLE all of the MCCAIN SUPPORTERS AND ASSURE THEM THAT PRESIDENT ELECT BARACK OBAMA IS NOT A TERRORIST, SOCIALIST, OR COMMUNIST. IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME BUT HE WILL WORK FOR THIS COUNTRY AND DO HIS BEST TO FIX PROBLEMS WITH HEALTH CARE, THE ECONOMY, THE ENVIRONMENT, AND THE COUNTRY AS A WHOLE. Or, youll get over it and go back to IGNORING POLITICS AND STREAMING NETFLIX MOVIES ON YOUR COMPUTER.

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