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My dear Post Office

I heard a lady complaining about the recent one-cent increase in stamps. Now theres a good use of her energy. Ill guess she might mail a couple hundred personal letters a year, including Christmas cards, and another ten pieces per week of bills and other miscellaneous mail. That adds up to 720 pieces of mail each year, which means the total nut she needs to earn over last year to stay even with her this years postal budget is, seven dollars and twenty cents. You know how easy it is to earn seven dollars and twenty cents? You can salt fries at Mickey Ds for an hour. You can twist a wrench in a garage for ten minutes. You can baby-sit for an hour if youre being paid a 1990 wage. You know how long it takes Alex Rodriegus to earn $7.20? He just earned it when you blinked. I can find seven dollars and twenty cents in the trees if I look up long enough. Lady, I bet if I asked you how life was going along youd answer, Not fast enough. In case you havent gotten my point (I know Ive strung the point out too long, dont complain), a one-cent raise on stamps doesnt call for a large adjustment in gals payout, especially when the quantity of stamps said gal needs is fairly low. I apologize for judging you lady, it may be very difficult for you to come up with the extra money, especially since were all needing to come up with extra money for lots more then just stamps these days. But actually thats my point right there, in terms of elevated prices, one-cent isnt a major jump, especially considering the service. Send a post card of Maria Von Trapp yodeling in a field of daisies to a friend in Alaska and the dang thing will get there in just a few days. Thats incredible for forty-two cents and with these gas prices? Yodel Vey! For forty-two cents you can send a client a bill for $14,000.00. Add in the cost of the envelope and bill sheet, and you profit $13,999.54. Not bad return. Lady, while youre in a tizzy complaining about the one-cent stamp price rise, Im chatting with the counter gang. Yeah, theres ole Johnny Adams wholl talk NASCAR with me, but only for the amount of time it takes to process my transaction, so dont worry, hes not holding anyone up. Steve Arnell likes Opera and if your ears are tuned proper you might faintly hear an Aria coming from his transistor radio which is hidden out of the way under the scale just beneath the counter. Julie Bishop, she rides a Hog, a 92 Sportster 1200. Shell update you on the HiJinx that played out at last weekends rally over to Laconia. Im happy to hear her Harley stories because my lower lumbar will not anymore withstand a trip too far past my local Post Office. Ill talk longer with the post office cleaning lady than some married couples talk to each other in a week. The counter gang at my local PO is and has always been friendly as corn muffin fed Elves, and I cant for the life of me figure why considering what they often have to put up with from crabby customers who complain, cough, whore clueless, and worst of all customers who blame their own mail-the-Christmas-box-to-my-parents-in-Arizona procrastination on everyone but themselves. I love my local post office so much Id pay a cover to enter. Its the hub of the town; its like the neighborhood bar where everyone knows your phone number, only without the booze and loud music. I love my local post office so much I look forward to the long lines at Holiday time giving me a chance to catch up with folks I hadnt seen all summer and fall. Actually Ill admit to being particularly entertained watching upset post office customers crab and complain about the silliest things, because for me their complaining is an interesting study in the human condition. Their complaining is reality television, unscripted. Having said that, honey-bunny lady who complained about the one-cent raise in stamp price, in my little world, youre a star. Rusty DeWees tours Vermont and Northern New York with his act The Logger. His column appears weekly. He can be reached at rustyd@pshift.com. Listen for The Logger, Rusty DeWees, Thursdays at 7:40 on the Big Station, 98.9 WOKO or visit his website at www.thelogger.com

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