Me: Is that so?
Me: You are completely useless.
These tips should help you in the future, when you decide to do a little amateur reporting. Hopefully, if you follow my advice exactly, I will not have to worry about my job security.
Now, for those of you interested in how to write a column like "The Gravel Pit," feel free to use this week's column as a perfect example of how to start a story about a strange occurrence at Joy to the Children, realize immediately that nothing strange happened at Joy to the Children, and nonetheless complete a 500-word column.
Chris Morris is the news editor at Denton Publications. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org