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A heartwarming tale of misanthropy and self-loathing

As the right half of his body began to go numb, he wished that the woman's cell phone actually had initiated the plane's self-destruct sequence, and that he'd combusted before having to endure this indignity.

But the plane eventually landed, ending the young man's torment. As he prepared to de-plane, a funny thing happened - the woman broke the silence and wished our hero a happy Thanksgiving.

Shocked that his seatmate was capable of taking someone else's feelings into account, he wished her a happy Thanksgiving, too. And he realized that he'd learned a very important lesson that day: he should always take a sedative before flying so that 1) he could sail through the whole dehumanizing experience in a blissful, half-conscious haze, and 2) he wouldn't remember anything about it afterwards.

Dan Leonidas makes shallow observations. He can be reached at dpleonidas@yahoo.com or myspace.com/lastminuteconcerns.

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