Looking for votes at the fair

Its country fair season of an election year so if you go fairing youre likely to see politicians wandering about. If you dont see the elected wannabees themselves, youll most certainly pass their booths stuffed with volunteers hawking all manner of political hazzari. Politicians think stopping by each local fair for an hour or so will lead to votes landing on their ledger. Ha. The amount of votes theyre liable to get in November is, if you ask me, just about the amount theyd get if the election were held yesterday. So unless they really want to commune with the minions, which I hope they do cause sincere compassion and interest makes for an effective leader, they should skip it. Have they spent 1305 hours at fairs over the past handful of years? Thats my tally, and its an amount of communal hours that would garner me some votes were I to put my name in a race. Id get some votes and I wouldnt need to know a dang thing about broken bridges, or budgets, or milk prices. Time put in pays back big. Why would my time spent at the fairs get me votes while real life politicians hours put it wont gain them any additional votes? Because Im there no only to meet people, Im there to sell, sell, sell, DVDs, shirts, hats, and tickets, and I dont try to hide the latter. The politicians (many of them), try to make us believe theyre there because they choose to be a part of the whole, Country Fair, thing, and I think most folks can smell a rat a mile away. The politicians and I are there for the same reason, to sell ourselves. Of course that doesnt make us bad people, it makes us aggressive American business people. Im a comedian and I want people to like me, to be intrigued by me enough to vote if you will yes, with their entire family, to come to my shows, and I want them to laugh at the show, and Id be thrilled if they bought something with my name on it that they can wear or listen to. Politicians dont just want people to vote for them, they need people to vote for them. The difference is I want, they need, and its spelled out at the fair by me being able to answer any question you ask of me with a straight answer. Its hard on politicians to linger at the fair (especially during non-election years apparently), because they need to have the right answers for a range of folks with differing views. Tough work. So when you see them at the fair, welcome them and make them feel comfortable. Get them a chair and have them sit down for a while in front a thoughtful audience of question asking Vermonters. Yeah, create your own little impromptu Town Meeting right there next to the Muffin Man booth and let your candidate fill you in on precisely what they will bring to the office if you vote for them. Theyll be happy to answer every question Im sure, because they need votes. I wont be able to attend the meeting, Ill be at my booth tellin and sellin, so if you would for me ask the candidates a couple of things Ive been curious about the past couple of days. 1. What ever happened to the high/low beam foot switch, and can they work to make car manufacturers bring it back. Im forever switching my wipers on now when I flick the high/low beam/blinker/window washer/wiper lever, and I miss the click-clack sound the foot switch made. Kept me up driving at night. 2. Could they explain what goes on physiologically when you get an ice headache from eating a creamy? And is there anything I can do to eat creamies and not get an ice headache? In a leader what Im looking for is not someone boned up on policy, but rather someone who can answer confidently questions that cut to the core of what fair goers are really wondering about. Rusty DeWees tours Vermont and Northern New York with his act The Logger. His column appears weekly. He can be reached at rustyd@pshift.com. Listen for The Logger, Rusty DeWees, Thursdays at 7:40 on the Big Station, 98.9 WOKO or visit his website at www.thelogger.com

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