Fall's Colorful Palette:Enough Already.

Many will just come to a sudden jerking halt in the middle of the road as the passenger-side window slides open like the maw of a giant fish. The inevitable camera body, seemingly attached to half a face, will thrust out and, when the proper focus, a series of almost subsonic snap, snap, snaps are heard. The demi-profile, camera still attached, disappears into the dark-windowed interior of the American-made, Japanese-designed, bank-owned AMC Megadawdler plods off toward the next unscheduled, no-passing-zone pause.

And though you cannot truly see into the future, you have some intuition about the way life will play out. And, indeed, when you arrive forty minutes late for the root canal on the most painful thing youve ever had in your mouth (except for the time that guy who used to be your best friend said, Try this, and you popped onto your margarita-numbed tongue what you thought was just a red, very ripe jalapeno pepperpretty as a sugar maple leaf in Septemberbut which instead turned out to be a Naga Jolokia chili, the hottest pepper in the world [where did he even get that thing? Noris?], measured at roughly 1,050,000 Scoville units, or 210 times hotter than the highly ordinary jalapeno, and which was roughly the equivalent of eating a can of sterno flaming underneath a chafing dish, and once you got out of the emergency room you never spoke to that a.... jerk again and didnt eat anything but mashed potatoes and chocolate for two years), you know that the dentists receptionist will tell you youll have to reschedule, and when you ask for some painkillers will suggest extra-strength Tylenol and youll leave not quite in tears to buy four quarts of Vodka instead and a little packet of aspirin.

And though you work in tourism because you cant find a job that has anything to do with your college majorart therapyand you know that, according to Wikipedia, $8 billion is pumped into the Northern Woods economy as a result of these damned leaves, you dont even want $8 billion right now, or even $80 billion, because your face is as swollen as a gouty big toe and your mouth is about to explode like a land mine at any moment. . . .

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